Having teenagers is an adventure. It might be the greatest and most fun of adventures. It's certainly one of the most tiring and mentally taxing adventures I've ever had. Just the idea that I gave birth to a creature like this boggles my mind.
Even the simplest things take on new meaning when a teenager is involved. Take roller skating, for example. Simple sport. Gender neutral. Inexpensive. Fun and only slight risk of physical injury. Not a lot of equipment required. You would think, right?
But when The Whee and her friend Fred went roller skating, it required a certain...dress code.
They asked me how people dressed in the 80s. I told them all the people I knew in the 80s wore overalls and caps from the feedstore and smelled like manure. This was not the answer they were looking for.
They opted for their version of 80s/punk/alternative/dang-we-think-we're-cute skating outfits, and off we went to the local rink at 7 p.m.
I opted to watch from the sidelines and take pictures rather than risk having the one good joint I still have left on my body get damaged.
The Whee: "Mom, we're going to be here all night. You could just drop us off and come back at 10 p.m. when they close."
ME: "Uh, no, It states here on page 47 of the Mom's Handbook that 'mothers shall remain in the rink at all times, and glare at any boys that try to talk to you'."
The Whee: "Mother! Do not embarrass us!"
ME: "Too late! I'm breathing!"
So I sat on the sidelines and said hi to every single one of her friends that I saw, and watched the clock. The only boy I glared at was the little 2' high monster that was speed skating like an Olympian and made Fred fall down 7 times when he passed her.
At 8 p.m. I asked "Are you ready to go now?" And the response was "Oh no, Mother, we're having fun! We're going to skate till it closes!"
At 9 p.m., two bedraggled punk 80's chicks crawled up to my seat.
"Please, I can't feel my feet! Please get me out of here!"
"My legs are numb!"
"Yours are numb!? Mine are on fire!"
"It hurts to sit down! Why did you make us stay long?!"
Heheh- footnote on page 47 of the Mom's Handbook: 'skating is an ideal way to thoroughly exhaust teenagers so that they become very still and quiet for an extended period of time'.
I do my homework. I'm looking forward to the chapter titled: Dissuading Potential Suitors.
Now if I can just get them to stop begging for cheeseburgers...