Gear review?

I went on a cleaning frenzy this week. Closets piled with too much stuff were organized and minimized. Cars filled with bits and pieces, most of which were not mine, were sucked out down to the floorboard with the vacuum, eliminating detritus and any receipt I might possibly need. I accidentally put one of the kids in the trash too.

Toys, games, clothes, nothing was safe from my cleaning craze. That included my outdoor gear as well, which has been used and then shoved into closets, under beds, behind the seat of vehicles, in cupboards, and left in the boats. It was mayhem.

When I pulled my musty, dusty camo hunting gear out of the bag, several unpleasant revelations happened:

• I realized it's been almost three years since I went hunting. Unfortunate, but not the end of the world. I've done other things in those three years.
• I realized I am now three years older. Unfortunate. The mornings are colder than they used to be.  
• I realized I'm an undisclosed number of pounds thicker and my camo does not fit the same. Unfortunate. I refuse to acknowledge this.

I decided to try on all my camo and maybe wear it to the grocery store. Sort of seek-and-destroy broccoli hunter. After walking the 25 yards into the grocer from the parking lot said camo made breathing difficult. At least, that's what I'm blaming my huffing and puffing on. This was going to be detrimental to my hunting, because any animal would have heard me gasping for air from miles away.

Therefore, when I shoved my still dusty, fusty gear back into the bag, I had several thoughts:

• The dryer shrunk my camo
• I might have to give up the Krispy Kremes
• I don't want to give up Krispy Kremes  
• I am going to buy non dryer-shrunken camo

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm hunting for doughnuts...